Blog literacki, portal erotyczny - seks i humor nie z tej ziemi
.. This tagline is currently out of order.
Living in a vacuum sucks.
I know Kung Fu, Karate, and 47 other dangerous words.
Orgasm Donor.
I tried to think but nothing happened!
So many pedestrians, so little time.
A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, he tells you.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I have an existential map.
It has 'You are Here' written all over it.
It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
I came, I saw, I tried, I failed, I cheated, I tried again, I won.
I know all the answers, just at the wrong time.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Television... a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well-done.
Love is like Pi: natural, irrational, and very important.
Due to the outbreak of aids, employees will no longer be permitted to kiss the boss's ass.
Having a Smoking Section in a restaurant is a little like having a Peeing Section in a pool!
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
I started out with nothing.
I still have most of it left.
A recent study says that 90% of men masturbate in the shower: The other 10% sing.
Do you know what they sing?
No!
Oh, really?!
I wonder what you do in the shower!
Enjoy every day like it is going to be your last.
One day you will be right.
Her kisses left something to be desired... the rest of her.
God created a few perfect people, the rest is righthanded.
God invented Women because he wanted a good laugh.
God may have made man first, but there is always a ruff draft before a final copy.
Suicide Hotline...please hold.
It's nicer to win when you always lose,
than to win when you always win.
So: be a loser!
In the beginning there was nothing... Then even *that* exploded!
[toilet quote]
Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink.
But I come here to scratch my balls.
And read the nonsense on the walls!
You have to stay in shape.
My grandmother, she started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60.
She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
I never make mistakes.
I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
Never trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
If the shortest distance between two points is a line, why does waiting in a line take so long?
Ever seen two people talking to each other in their sleep?
I am waiting as fast as I can !
I want patience, and I want it NOW !
In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest.
What is the logic?
Do tall people burn slower?
Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Cry, and someone yells, "Shut up!"
Reality is an illusion caused by lack of alcohol.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
Man has made use of his intelligence, he invented stupidity.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry.
Then things get worse.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
Vacuums are nothings.
We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.
To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.
Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun, but I have never been able to make out the numbers.
3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
For people who like peace and quiet: A phoneless cord.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
24 hours in a day,
24 beers in a case.
Coincidence?
You can't talk about nothing, without mentioning it.
Be nice to your kids.
They'll choose your nursing home.
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
Diplomacy: The art of letting someone have your way.
Dain bramaged.
Department of Redundancy Department.
A closed mouth gathers no flies.
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people is mentally ill.
Check 3 friends. If they're ok, you're it.
98% of all statistics are useless.
Girlfriend pregnant ! (M)arry, (I)gnore, (A)bort
There cannot be a crisis today; My schedule is already full.
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
When you argue with a fool, chances are he is doing just the same.
I may not totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
Better to light a candle than to light an explosive.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Wanting people to listen, you don't just tap them on the shoulder anymore.
You have to hit them with a sledgehammer.
Then you notice, you'll have their straight attention.
If trains stop at a train station, what happens at a workstation?
Jesus Love You.
But everyone else pretty much think you're an asshole.
Failure does not prove something is impossible,
failure simply proves you are not using the right tools.
"If it doesn't fit, use a bigger hammer!"
Einstein is dead,
Elvis is not around anymore,
and I don't feel so good either.
I always tell the truth.
Even if I have to lie to do it.
I tried to take a late night piss, but the toilet moved so again I missed.
Never stand between a dog and a tree.
I hope to die peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep.
Not screaming like the passengers in his car.
Hard work has a future payoff.
Laziness pays off now.
Democracy is three wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper.
If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.
I would have written a shorter letter... if I had the time.
Why did we lose? We made too many wrong mistakes.
Life was a funny thing that occurred on the way to the grave.
Synonym: Word you use when you can't spell the other.
Tagline Lotto: ###### <- Scratch here for prize.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
This isn't my tagline! Who put it here?
To be or else to be.
Tourists: The only foreigners the French ever drove out.
Two things I hate: People that can't count.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
WHOW!... Short runway...but look how WIDE it is!
I'm in search of myself.
Have you seen me anywhere?
'NOW' is a point in time that is already gone.
A diploma proves only that you know how to find an answer.
A hole is nothing but you can still break your neck in it.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
Everyone has a right to be stupid.
Some just abuse the priviledge.
Clean, dependable, hard working...
Good god, what kind of monster have I become!?!
Don't count your chickens before they cross the road.
Somewhere in the world there's somebody better than me... but I haven't met him yet.
The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body.
This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
I hope life isn't a big joke...Because I don't get it.
I'm so poor I can't even pay attention.
Man who go to bed with diarrhea wake up in deep shit.
Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
Architecture is the art of how to waste space.
Sometimes I need what only you can provide... Your absence.
We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.
The trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
As I said before... I never repeat myself.
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.
If I save time, when do I get it back?
I had an IQ test.
The results came back negative.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Don't fall before you're pushed.
I'm a nobody,
nobody is perfect,
therefore I'm perfect.
Some folks sit and think, others just sit.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
The only thing I like about rich people is their money.
Distance: The only thing the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs, and keep.
There is no such thing as an absolute truth... and that is absolutely true.
Children are the most expensive form of entertainment.
Politicians are people, who when they see the light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy more tunnel.
I don't know the answer to this question, but I'm 90 percent sure of the answer.
And the answer is 'Yes' or 'No'.
The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any.
A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
You can't fall off the floor.
Never wrestle with pigs.
You both get dirty and pig likes it.
A joke is a very serious thing.
There are things so serious that you can only joke about them.
Be smarter than other people, just don't tell them so.
The world is full of willing people.
Some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
Doing nothing gets pretty tiresome because you can't stop and rest.
The goal of science is to build better mousetraps.
The goal of nature is to build better mice.
Good judgment comes from experience, and experience... well, that comes from poor judgment.
The fellow who thinks he knows it all is especially annoying to those of us who do.
The brain is a wonderful organ.
It starts working the moment you get up and does not stop until you get into the office.
We made too many wrong mistakes.
Some people cause happiness wherever they go.
Other cause happiness whenever they go.
Be sure to work 8 hours.
Be sure to sleep 8 hours.
But not the same 8 hours.
One of the things we can do to help the poor is not to become one of them.
Learn from the mistakes of others.
You won't live long enough to make them all yourself.
If you and your partner always agree, one of you is unnecessary.
Not to decide is to decide.
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
And today?
Today is a gift.
That's why we call it 'The Present'.
Always try to drive so that your license will expire before you do.
Be sincere, even if you don't mean it.
It's hard to be humble when you're perfect.
Minds, like parachutes, work only when open.
My mind is made up... Don't confuse me with facts.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
All men are idiots... I married their king.
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
Missing your cat? Try looking under my tires.
Cats are put on earth to remind us that not everything has a purpose.
I love cats... Dead ones.
I love cats... They taste just like chicken.
I love animals... They're delicious.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Smile: It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
I know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
Don't drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.
A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.
Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
Keep grandma off the streets... Support bingo.
Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations when smoking is prohibited?
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If a shop is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn on your headlights, what happens?
If 'con' is the opposite of 'pro', is Congress the opposite of progress?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?
Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If words could speak, wonder what they'd say.
The first sign of a nervous breakdown is when you start thinking your work is terribly important.
Why are you looking down here? The joke is above!